I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
