So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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