the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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