she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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