There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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