Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
