this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
oh god was she eating orange peels again
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
