i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
