i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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