i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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