don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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