the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
