Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
