It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
