they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
why is half of my head shaved?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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