The maid of honor just puked.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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