Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
