I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
