There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
