she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God, you're like boner-b-gone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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