it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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