Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
