Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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