I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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