moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
