I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
