I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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