you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
