Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
