you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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