So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
