fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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