Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
