I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
