Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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