I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
