It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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