Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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