okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
