so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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