this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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