i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
