Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
