Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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