The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
