i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize