Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
