I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
