i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
