see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
