turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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