I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
