They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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