At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
