Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
