i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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