She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
