Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
