Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
