I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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