I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize