I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
