We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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