To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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