the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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