i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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