There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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