Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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