just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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