the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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