I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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