I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize