fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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