You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
