i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
