Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize