Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
